MAJOR NOTE TO SELF

I'm living a not very well pleasured life. Almost everyday experiencing bitin in almost everything. Love, happines and of course datung. So yeah, well I'm trying to make some changes in this life. I may find it not that easy to turm things completely around or simply just in the way I want it, but I aint backing down.

The last few months after that day I thought my life would change in an instant, actually it has been very hard for me. For a moment I felt I have no reason and direction. "Yeah, so what now?". I asked myself this and got no answer for days maybe even weeks. Then I turned my attention to seek to what's next idealy at this point of my life. Trying to catch to what I still havent caught until now (But i prayed that this will be found in the very near future). The last few months have been very hard for me, I let my PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE really gets the best out of me. My family being the direct casualty most of the time of biglaang pagsusungit. I tried to deal with all of it at the same time leading me to nowhere. I thought of trying things in different directions to escape from it, but this cowardly approach obviously never really worked out for me.

Last night a part of me came back. That part that makes me think thoroughly enough how to face it rationally, a part of me I never noticed missing just until it came back. I don't know how. Since Wednesday(8.11.11) I started to feel something positive. And yeah, for the Nth time, I have another shot of finding resource. Last night I end up having a plan how to control and maybe even defeat the monster that I made that beats the hell out of me almost everyday since it slipped out of his mouth. I don't know where will I end up with plan or even how to execute it but I know its still possible. And maybe after this, hopefully I can try to be GENUINELY and GENERALLY happy. For the record, even my "someone" doesnt know where I'm coming from. Same time last night I just thought of letting this out in an open note but still not letting anyone to clearly understand me.