miserable.

LIFE IS MISERABLE - that no matter what you do, it is and it will be miserable at one point. Most believe at karma, that if you'll be good enough your life wont be a mess. Faith will keep you away from any bad things. Not that I don't believe in that, but how faithful do you  need to be? There will always be someone or something that will pull you down, break your momentum, crash every hope you have and will you make feel so bad that sometimes make you eve doubt your self. "HINDI LAGING PASKO"

I AM MISERABLE - for me, that "point" is now. No matter how I try to look things in a positive perspective, there's  always something that reminds me that life is indeed miserable. I tried so hard to change it all and look at it in a different angle, but every single time I felt I'm almost out of it....something would happen that would remind me so hard that "nope,not today...just stop trying.........maybe". A moment that would you really push you to your limits, tip-toeing at the edge.

LET ME BE MISERABLE - maybe my breaking point, giving in all the shitty things this life would offer. How long it would last, that I don't really know. I think it is unfair. They say after being way up high...you will eventually fall to the back down to remind you that life ain't fair and easy. Well, I didn't felt that I was up there living life to the fullest, but then I am being crashed face-first down to the very bottom. That maybe  I should succumb to life's harshness and everything tough it can offer. That maybe if I just let myself feel every pain and hardship in every inch of me, it will be over. Life maybe trying to teach me something..... and why not?unarguably experience is the best teacher out there. Ganon na lang ba ko kawalang alam at madaming dapat pang matutunan sa buhay? I maybe at that edge right now, only a hand away hanging from the bottom or maybe I did already let go. Ninanamnam lahat ng pait. This year have never been good to me. Complaining and whining could never be of any help. Might still have a reason or two to be thankful. Confidants undoubtedly never left me. Being alive is indeed something to appreciate.... but then, living like this, do you think you would be thankful? 

Put your game face no matter how broke you are, stay tough even when your all bruised up inside and still be ready to play on each and every day...... kahit hindi muna para magtagumpay, kundi para lang malagpasan na lang muna kung ano pang ibibigay sayo.


"IF LIFE IS FUCKING ME RIGHT NOW, CALL ME A BAD BITCH CAUSE I AM STILL UP FOR MORE DEEP AND HARD FUCKING IT WOULD GIVE"

2/6/13

For the Nth time, I am admitting that what I did was wrong and there's no way I can correct it nor justify it. I messed up pretty good and it’s been biting me up in the ass for the last three months I guess. But hell yes, I also know that three months of being fucked-up-mr.-bawi-guy is still nothing for what I did. For many times now I can’t seem to stop asking myself hanggang kelan?hanggan san?ano pa ba?  But it still goes back to that “who am I to complain?”

You just have this urge to complain or argue about something or just even ask so nicely why this and that…. Yet you won’t complain argue and ask nicely just because you know well that it will still be all your fault no matter how long the conversation and with all your rational reasons that maybe….just maybe there’s something wrong also with the other person or the reaction is just maybe taking a little long than how it should be leading her to do some stupid things too. DAMN!!

Just now, something just punch all the good mood in me. Its’ something like Pandora ’s Box or the forbidden fruit. Face it and you know you’ll face a shitty consequence. I know that I should not open or even take a look at it. Hindi nagkulang sa pagsabi sak akin…. ”wala ka ba tiwala? Eh di tignan mo, wala ka naman makikita jan….wag mo igaya yan katulad nung sayo”….. Oo nga naman, tama..so papalag pa ba ako?? Mali pala, wala na ako karapatan pumalag pag ganyan na yung sinabi. But stupid me, out of nowhere took a bite at it!...  Somehow I just felt my chair was going up and down but my eyes were still fuckin glued to the monitor, catching everything even though I’m scrolling pretty fast up and down cause I don’t know would I start….afraid at the same time that I might see something na pagsisihan kong nakita ko. I felt a little dizzy and a strong straight cheap shot right in the guts. May mali ba talaga? Ewan ko, that would be subjective, hindi ko din alam dahil hindi ko hinimay lahat sa takot ko. Praning lang ba ako?defensive? dahil pa din sa ginawa kong mali? Pwede….. hindi ko alam, Malabo talaga para saken, pwede ko palinawain pero natakot ako. Hindi pwede magtanong. Pero ang punto HINDI KO GUSTO ANG NAKITA KO.

May magagawa ba ako?........WALA! asa pa.

I fuckin hate it! Everything about it! But I can’t do a damn thing cause really, though I admit it…. I am sick and tired of blaming myself to it. …over and over and over! Ako pa din naman talaga may kasalan, hindi ako pwede dumaing magreklamo dahil lahat lang naman to nangyayari dahil sa ginawa ko. Wala na ako sa kahit anong lugar pa para magreklamo…bakit? Dahil ako naman may kasalanan, ako dahilan at higit sa lahat, ako lang naman ganon saten ako lang may kaya gumawa nun kaya huwag na huwag kita igagaya saken. Hindi Masaya.

update: this is irrelevant now

NAKAMA

“Arittake no yume wo kaki atsume…Sagashi-mono wo sagashi ni yuku no sa”

So now i am officially hooked to this anime, 1 piece....at hindi lang ako..madami pa adik dito ngayon.lolz. It is an anime about a kid who wants to be the pirate king by finding the treasure of the old pirate king, the 1 piece..and also about how he meet and make friends or part of his pirate crew, the straw-hat crew along the way....and i should stop telling how the story is. For me, what so good about it is how it differs from other anime. It’s different cause its nothing similar to reality, comes from just pure imagination that just tickles the kid in all of us. And i think it’s good cause unlike any other animes about a ninja or some super kid detective or a basketball team or any sport… All the characters, setting and everything in it is not even trying to relate to anything that happens in real world...just how I think anime should be! Other old anime have been like that before, it’s really not the first one like that. Dragon ball Z have a human cat for president...and do I have to mention Voltes V and other gigantic robots?... The thing for this kind of anime, you can’t even try to criticize it that "it’s so unreal"...cause it’s really not. Unlike from others, for example... From the moment Kogure releases the ball, it took two freakin episodes just to show how loooong he remembers everything about how he and Akagi entered Shohoku up to that very ball game in that very moment while he is airborne for that shot!! Tindi talaga nun...lol! 1 piece is nothing but pure wild fun imaginative fiction. I bet anyone's imagination has happen to any scene in 1 piece....and of course we enjoy it! Anyone can also relate to any main characters between the childish humour of Ussopp...the sweetness and gullible chopper...the seriousness and loyalty of Zoro... Sanji's passion... Robin's mysteriousness and knowledge...Nami's being so madiskarte and being charismatic...up to Luffy’s leadership and his dedication to make his dream come true.

But if it there is something about 1 piece that is same to other anime… It is for me, the moral lesson. And that lesson is about valuing friendship. That no matter where they came from, how different they are to one another in personalities, opinions and how shitty the situation might end up for one or all of them.. No one will be left be behind...No one will get hurt and that the Friendship will last through distance and time...and maybe that much cliché-ish can happen only just in their world...hahaha! So far it has ten plus movies, 500 plus episodes and still far from over. It also made me write another blog entry. J But I know many out there just like me will still enjoy every moment and be carried away to this whole adventure up until the glorious end of story of the straw-hat pirates.

“Gathering up all of our dreams… Going to search for our desires”